Don’t Press me

http://chirb.it/K43tEB

No pressure Mirror

When you start singing along and it turns into your own version of the song, what would the girl say?…ain’t nobody getting back with your trifflin ahh.

I don’t answer none of his calls, He’s thinking I’ll pick up one day, matter fact my phone’s changing tomorrow. I’m praying that he’ll make a change in his life, I’m realizing how much you made me hate my life, and I don’t ever wanna feel this way again, don’t nobody deserve my health….

I ain’t even getting hyped up, I ain’t even getting stressed out no more, fall back, don’t press me. I ain’t even getting stressed out, I ain’t even get hyped up no more, fall back, don’t press me…

Thought you were in it for the paper? I ain’t even got money like that. Now you need me not a moment later, losing it I’m so delirious and I was willing to fight that bitch what type of love is this? Finally I found myself. How you do me like you did everyone else? Talking to my conscience, I made a few mistakes but you did it to yourself your the only one to blame…

Man Crush Monday #MCM

What is a man crush Monday?  Is he someone who you just lust after aka you are just physically attracted to because your eyes like him? Is he someone who you admire his work/grind, artistry, mind, self presentation, faith? Or someone who inspires you, a muse in your life? or maybe he’s your man… and if he is technically that is not a crush cause you got him, but that’s cute that he still gives you butterflies and what not… okay let me put my salt away.  Our generation today is “shot gun”, like a “shot gun wedding” a lot of decisions are made fast, and reckless for the most part, that whole YOLO movement and living fast and dying young. Look, I want to live as slow as possible and die as old as possible.  No judgement cause most times I post and MCM it is a celeb that yes I admire his work, but I also admire the work Father God did on his face, and if it’s a real life MCM its deleted after he is deleted in my real life.

So is that petty? Maybe, maybe not. However on the other hand there are so many of us holding on to dead relationships with dear life, feeling all types of accomplished to post MCM since 09, knowing that that relationship was over in 2011, not allowing relationships to run their course, not accepting it for what it taught you, and letting it go, stop trying to squeeze forever out of for now.  Our generation may have a problem with dating and getting to know someone, you don’t always have to be “cuffing”, someone there is no rush, take the time to learn them first.  Not everyone you date is your husband/wife, but they get you one step closer to that win. So with every MCM or WCW private or public, take what you can from that person and fertilize your ground, because you need shit to grow aka fertilizer. Respect that individual for what they taught you about yourself and keep it pushing.

Sidenote: on dating… you are worth dates, everyone just want to chill at the house and watch movies… cool on some occasions, but if that’s his/her idea of a date, then you have some foresight on their  ideas on a relationship.  If you are someone who keeps finding yourself in “netflicks and chill” you may want to take time out and date yourself, get to know you, see all the wonderful things you offer yourself, and you won’t be content with the bare minimum from someone of the opposite sex….. mmmkay

I’ll close with make sure you love yourself and your struggle more than you love the person you are involved with, and their struggle because you will prioritize them and their feelings. Prioritize self, until you are walking down the aisle. For now admire the beauty of youth and the lessons each MCM or WCW teaches you along the way.

Now enjoy my ode to a MCM…..

(Untitled)

You’re a father and your smile says it all
You’re strong you’re proud you’re present and your sons will never forget it.
I sit and watch you move in every stride you take your love shines through your demeanor.
You’re the provider, the tense knots of stress in your back and your neck bare witness to your lonely sleepless nights.
She had you good, had you long, had you numb, and when she left it took away the chances of another woman ever being the one. Once she crossed you no woman could ever erase the pain because she carried your legacy in her womb and she birthed your last name.
She wants you back, they always do, you put her through it and she mirrored you.
Now who am I?
You look me in my eyes and I can feel you. You love her more than you love yourself.
A shame I couldn’t get you to myself, a pitty destiny didn’t let me get here first.
The love you’d give I could receive, and use that fuel to feed the man you always knew you could be.
That glorified King son of God made and molded in His image.
That beautiful soul that touched and kissed my spirit long before I let you in. You’re more than what you see and I’ve only witnessed a fragment of a piece, of what makes you great.
Beautiful black man that I admire today I leave this ode to you, my thoughts, my prayers, my kiss is imprinted upon you. So I may not be your today or your tommorow but I hold a peice of your yesterday and I thank God for every moment he let me borrow.

Daily Products

I don’t have super issues with acne but I do get a blemish here and there. I am they type of person to squeeze and pop, pimples and black heads; I don’t think that is an encouraged practice by dermatologist but this acne fighting gel is a great product.  It works well for me in decreasing inflammation from blemishes after I wash my face before bedtime and in the morning before I put on make up.  Prior to using this product my pimples would definitely stick around a lot longer and I have increased the clearness of my skin including this product in my beauty regimen.

This Super B-Complex can be found at Costco in the vitamin aisle, I take vitamins daily to try to increase my mood and energy.  Vitamin B plays a very important role in mood and this supplement includes vitamins to promote immune system health, in partnership with my Vitamin C pills that I take daily to avoid catching colds or any other bugs floating around.

Last but not least my almond oil found at GNC or Amazon.com I use this daily since Colorado is so dry I mix it with lotion to moisturize my skin and mix it with sunblock as my daily facial moisturizer

90s Baby & Hip Hop Culture

Featured artist Solo Young and KoKo La.

The Hip Hop culture is something that is very embedded in a majority of African American youth.  Hip Hop inspires the way we express ourselves, the way we dress, dance, speak, and create, but it also gives us a platform and a forum to tell our stories, and also share our opinions on a broader scale.  Being a writer takes a lot of skill, among many other things this is a reason why hip hop lyricist are respected so greatly in our communities because of that poetic credibility from those who provide fun, celebratory music, but also can provide the truth when it comes to a number of challenges that face our demographic.

My First Villanelle

The Villanelle is a poem of nineteen lines, with five stanzas of three lines and a sixth stanza with four lines.  There is a rhyme scheme of aba in each stanza, and a pattern of repetition in which the first line of the first stanza is repeated as the last line of the second and fourth stanza, and the third line of the first stanza is repeated as the last line of the third and fifth stanzas.  Obviously something of the academics because most writers want to experience organic poetry things that come to you naturally, and may require an explanation.

These rules and constant repetition makes it harder to write something that is personal and real, but I wrote this in one sitting and on my first try writing a Villanelle just two days after my Uncle’s funeral.  His passing was my first close experience with death, and I know the situation will continue to inspire me and push me in forms of expression.

We live to die.

My only wish is to live

contently. There will be tears and we will cry.

 

Lord have mercy, sigh…

I only long to give

more of me, because we all live to die.

 

Through all the changes I won’t ask why?
Life is the stage “performing live.”

There will be tears and we will cry.

 

On a rainy day one last goodbye,

we’ll grieve

for you, why do we live to die?

 

If I could dye

this day different colors, I’d give

tears red, we’d cry

 

Red tears for you

onto all black skin and clothing too.

Why must we live to die?

There’s always tears but we won’t always stop to cry.

Just a Feeling (A Poem written by me, 2011)

I understand the path I walk is long and lonely,

and I have journeyed this long alone.

I witnessed warmth and love that resonates

within my bones.

 

And now I’m mad, it did not carry me home.

No sunshine, I cannot see no spring time.

I’m stuck in December, December when I neglected you,

December rejected us, December when you finally gave

something in exchange for a little piece of my soul.

I’m cold just like December, no sunshine,

this season of February that I cannot escape.

 

You lie, why aren’t  truthful, what do you really feel?

I wait. I wait, and I keep you secured, the things that belong to me,

you share. You share your hands, your eyes, your brown skin,

you vowed these things belong to me, these things that I love belong to me.

We are intertwined by faith and it is written.

It must hurt when I see you, I feel you move inside

my chest, you influence thought living in my mind,

muse of my life.

 

No sunshine, my face is hidden, and I am lost.

I hang my head, I shake my arms. I feel too much,

I feel too much. You said you’re not mine, you said

“but who knows maybe in time, let it happen on its

own. I feel too fucking much.

and I still wait for you,

“obsessed, depressed at the same time,

I can’t even walk in a straight line, I’ve been lying

in the dark, no sunshine, no sunshine, I roll around

in a bed full of tears I, I’m still lying in the dark no sunshine,

no sunshine. So much to say its not the way she does her

hair, its the way she seems to stare right through my eyes,

and in her darkest days will she refuse to runaway from love

she tried so hard to save  and its just a feeling, just a feeling, just

a feeling that I have…”

-Maroon 5

that I feel too much.

And I cannot fathom how you don’t feel the same,

you tell them all we are nothing but I know

that this is certified, soul intertwined perfectly blind,

no shine, you heart is mine and mine is yours.

I can no longer push and break into closed doors what I

think I own I haven’t even signed for,

but its just a feeling.

Likes And Comments

I posted this a couple weeks back on my Facebook page I guess to express to my approximately 100 friends a word that had came to me.  Now prior to the status or “what’s on your mind” era, which for me was freshman year of high school and before, I would have sat in my room deep in reflection and perhaps wrote an entire poem on the thoughts that were currently on my brain that birth this idea.  The reason I screenshot the post right after I posted it is because I also wanted to include it on my Instagram page.

I personally have a love hate relationship with social media, I love the idea of self expression and the access to vent about things going on in your life but people tend to abuse, over share, and generalize.   I can honestly say I scare myself sometimes, I find myself checking my phone constantly for notifications from my different user accounts, I feel addicted most times.

Coming back to my post I know there was a lot of raw and elicit emotion behind it and unfortunately I usually write these emotionally heavy status’ they live on my timeline and then disappear.  I can’t help but ask myself what could have been fostered from this thought had I marinated on it a little longer and composed a story, poem, or journal entry, rather that writing a quick status update for my “friends” to peak into my emotion for the moment. I will be revisiting this post with in my blog because I want to pick it apart in regards to its content also and not only the media in which it was shared.

Is social media robbing our generation of slow brew, meaning time to reflect, and time to take in information?  We are given bits of information like 5 word updates, and 6 second videos… spending time checking notifications instead of contributing meaningful content and absorbing it as well…

Mr. Steal Your Girl

I am a big fan of Trey Songz, and I am currently loving his latest album titled “Trigga”.  My favorite song on the album is Y.A.S, because I think it is a epic story done through what I would call a Hip-opera (I’ll visit this title later)… But my second favorite song on The Album is titled “Mr. Steal Your Girl”.  This is a title Trey earned by stating this phrase once in an intro to his song “Bottoms Up” featuring Nicki Minaj, and it just stuck, and of course he could definitely steal more than a few women from their significant other.

So why do I love this song?  I ask myself that same question as I keep this track on repeat in my car and on my phone, because I am more than opposed to infidelity which unfortunately runs rampid in our generation.  I am almost positive the reason I fancy the song so much has to be Trey’s smooth vocals over a seductive rhythm, but the lyrics are obviously about having relations with a woman who is in a relationship.  Trey being the handsome specimen he is, I could definitely imagine that many women find an oasis in his lyrics, especially if they are caught in a relationship similar to both being address in his sultry song; a committed relationship in which she doesn’t receive as much attention as she’d like, or a relationship with a side piece.

It’s worth a listen… Explicit lyrics.

Unselfish Selfie

They often say “home is where the heart is” so I would like to assume that my home is wherever I am at, at any particular time, since my heart lies within my chest.  I have been blessed to Live most of my life in beautiful Colorado, where I have embraced an abundant amount of beautiful souls, and created some unbreakable bonds with other people.  I have also been blessed to have loved ones located in several other states including California, Texas, and New York.  As I have traveled in my 20s I have been able to gain appreciation for the experience; what I define as the experience is learning to enjoy a walk at the park with my little brother across the street from my apartment, just as much as being able to take him on a day trip to the San Diego Zoo or at a petting zoo at a neighborhood church.  I have been able to gain appreciation for the human connection, knowing that if a bond is meant to last longer that a season no distance or time could break it; I hadn’t seen my cousin in Brooklyn since we were in the 5th grade at about age ten or eleven and we were able to reunite at age 22 and it was like a day never passed by, nothing had changed but time.

To wake up in the morning and absorb all the great sensory information the world provides us on even the most boring of days is the essence of travel.  Everyday we have the opportunity to learn something new, or experience a new form of sensory stimuli, especially visual there is always something new to see.

The beautiful scenery I have been able to see during my time away from home and my time spent away from home inspires and motivates me to take the time to write or sketch… Taking a picture will capture the moment but allowing yourself to take in the moment, and allowing yourself to brew creativity inspired by that particular moment will allow you to immortalize that experience.  It wasn’t one particular trip or moment that allowed me to gain the out view on travel, family, friends, scenery, and creativity but all the moments of pure gratitude I have experienced.  Whether it be waking up in my own bed and looking out into the pine trees that lace the untamed land behind my apartment complex of the busy road of Havana in Aurora, Colorado, or waking up in a hotel room in the MGM Grand Hotel off the Vegas strip in Los Vegas, Nevada. I’ve learned that life is meant to be lived like a cliche, you wake up and you live like you are thankful for each day, let the not so good days fuel the joy on a better day.   And to God be the Glory…

Our Hair Part 2

After being “natural” for a couple years I finally decided to relax my hair in January of 2015, It was and has been a positive hair experience for me, and I have began to use my flat iron again.  However, I have only had one relaxer since the beginning of the year and have over 2 inches of new growth, in which I can attribute to the wonderful Hair, Nail, and Skin supplements I have been using, in addition to the healthy growth of my hair I have not experienced any shedding and very minimal breakage.

I think the most important meaning of one’s hair journey is having healthy hair, and hair can be unhealthy in its natural state also if it is not cared for.  So in the natural vs. relaxed debate it is important to make sure you are happy, its just hair it will grow back!