Man Crush Monday #MCM

What is a man crush Monday?  Is he someone who you just lust after aka you are just physically attracted to because your eyes like him? Is he someone who you admire his work/grind, artistry, mind, self presentation, faith? Or someone who inspires you, a muse in your life? or maybe he’s your man… and if he is technically that is not a crush cause you got him, but that’s cute that he still gives you butterflies and what not… okay let me put my salt away.  Our generation today is “shot gun”, like a “shot gun wedding” a lot of decisions are made fast, and reckless for the most part, that whole YOLO movement and living fast and dying young. Look, I want to live as slow as possible and die as old as possible.  No judgement cause most times I post and MCM it is a celeb that yes I admire his work, but I also admire the work Father God did on his face, and if it’s a real life MCM its deleted after he is deleted in my real life.

So is that petty? Maybe, maybe not. However on the other hand there are so many of us holding on to dead relationships with dear life, feeling all types of accomplished to post MCM since 09, knowing that that relationship was over in 2011, not allowing relationships to run their course, not accepting it for what it taught you, and letting it go, stop trying to squeeze forever out of for now.  Our generation may have a problem with dating and getting to know someone, you don’t always have to be “cuffing”, someone there is no rush, take the time to learn them first.  Not everyone you date is your husband/wife, but they get you one step closer to that win. So with every MCM or WCW private or public, take what you can from that person and fertilize your ground, because you need shit to grow aka fertilizer. Respect that individual for what they taught you about yourself and keep it pushing.

Sidenote: on dating… you are worth dates, everyone just want to chill at the house and watch movies… cool on some occasions, but if that’s his/her idea of a date, then you have some foresight on their  ideas on a relationship.  If you are someone who keeps finding yourself in “netflicks and chill” you may want to take time out and date yourself, get to know you, see all the wonderful things you offer yourself, and you won’t be content with the bare minimum from someone of the opposite sex….. mmmkay

I’ll close with make sure you love yourself and your struggle more than you love the person you are involved with, and their struggle because you will prioritize them and their feelings. Prioritize self, until you are walking down the aisle. For now admire the beauty of youth and the lessons each MCM or WCW teaches you along the way.

Now enjoy my ode to a MCM…..

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You’re a father and your smile says it all
You’re strong you’re proud you’re present and your sons will never forget it.
I sit and watch you move in every stride you take your love shines through your demeanor.
You’re the provider, the tense knots of stress in your back and your neck bare witness to your lonely sleepless nights.
She had you good, had you long, had you numb, and when she left it took away the chances of another woman ever being the one. Once she crossed you no woman could ever erase the pain because she carried your legacy in her womb and she birthed your last name.
She wants you back, they always do, you put her through it and she mirrored you.
Now who am I?
You look me in my eyes and I can feel you. You love her more than you love yourself.
A shame I couldn’t get you to myself, a pitty destiny didn’t let me get here first.
The love you’d give I could receive, and use that fuel to feed the man you always knew you could be.
That glorified King son of God made and molded in His image.
That beautiful soul that touched and kissed my spirit long before I let you in. You’re more than what you see and I’ve only witnessed a fragment of a piece, of what makes you great.
Beautiful black man that I admire today I leave this ode to you, my thoughts, my prayers, my kiss is imprinted upon you. So I may not be your today or your tommorow but I hold a peice of your yesterday and I thank God for every moment he let me borrow.

My First Villanelle

The Villanelle is a poem of nineteen lines, with five stanzas of three lines and a sixth stanza with four lines.  There is a rhyme scheme of aba in each stanza, and a pattern of repetition in which the first line of the first stanza is repeated as the last line of the second and fourth stanza, and the third line of the first stanza is repeated as the last line of the third and fifth stanzas.  Obviously something of the academics because most writers want to experience organic poetry things that come to you naturally, and may require an explanation.

These rules and constant repetition makes it harder to write something that is personal and real, but I wrote this in one sitting and on my first try writing a Villanelle just two days after my Uncle’s funeral.  His passing was my first close experience with death, and I know the situation will continue to inspire me and push me in forms of expression.

We live to die.

My only wish is to live

contently. There will be tears and we will cry.

 

Lord have mercy, sigh…

I only long to give

more of me, because we all live to die.

 

Through all the changes I won’t ask why?
Life is the stage “performing live.”

There will be tears and we will cry.

 

On a rainy day one last goodbye,

we’ll grieve

for you, why do we live to die?

 

If I could dye

this day different colors, I’d give

tears red, we’d cry

 

Red tears for you

onto all black skin and clothing too.

Why must we live to die?

There’s always tears but we won’t always stop to cry.

Likes And Comments

I posted this a couple weeks back on my Facebook page I guess to express to my approximately 100 friends a word that had came to me.  Now prior to the status or “what’s on your mind” era, which for me was freshman year of high school and before, I would have sat in my room deep in reflection and perhaps wrote an entire poem on the thoughts that were currently on my brain that birth this idea.  The reason I screenshot the post right after I posted it is because I also wanted to include it on my Instagram page.

I personally have a love hate relationship with social media, I love the idea of self expression and the access to vent about things going on in your life but people tend to abuse, over share, and generalize.   I can honestly say I scare myself sometimes, I find myself checking my phone constantly for notifications from my different user accounts, I feel addicted most times.

Coming back to my post I know there was a lot of raw and elicit emotion behind it and unfortunately I usually write these emotionally heavy status’ they live on my timeline and then disappear.  I can’t help but ask myself what could have been fostered from this thought had I marinated on it a little longer and composed a story, poem, or journal entry, rather that writing a quick status update for my “friends” to peak into my emotion for the moment. I will be revisiting this post with in my blog because I want to pick it apart in regards to its content also and not only the media in which it was shared.

Is social media robbing our generation of slow brew, meaning time to reflect, and time to take in information?  We are given bits of information like 5 word updates, and 6 second videos… spending time checking notifications instead of contributing meaningful content and absorbing it as well…

Just Getting My Feet Wet

Literally, just getting my feet wet, I am very new to the blogging world and would like to share my experiences while expressing my love for creative writing.  I would like to share some of my own personal poetry, and opinions.  I would also like to share sources I find beneficial and topics I find interesting.  That sounds extremely vague, I know but just bare with me I as I dive into this.